Gotta Poop (& I'm With a Pretty Girl)

Well, I live in a very, very tiny apartment
And I had a girl with me up there when a little fart went
Out of my bum, I knew I was losing not winning
Because that little fart, it was only the beginning
I started wishing I had a bigger place, I wish I had made some improvements
The bathroom was way too close and I needed to have a bowel movement
A big one with explosions and probably some diarrhea
It would probably take fifteen minutes
And when I came back out she’d say «See ya later»
«It's over, our love has reached it’s end»
«Anyone with bowels like that can’t be my boyfriend»
And I couldn’t let that happen
No, no, no, no, not a chance
So I held it, and I held it till I started pooping my pants
And of course she noticed my pants turning brown
I faked a nice smile, she wore a big frown
I washed up in the bathroom, I put some clean clothes on
And sure enough when I came back, she was gone, gone, gone, gone
It would have gone better, who knows we might have dated
If only I had been constipated
If only I had been constipated