Convalesce

How foolish of me to think that I was alone,
Left to my vices abandoned and hollow.
Pleading for deliverance; set me free.
Bathing in ignorance when my chains no longer bind me.
Terrified; I find no comfort in solace.
Buried alive; I keep my face above the surface.
I know that this is not the real me.
Through the silence I hear you whispering.
I stopped pursuing,
I stopped believing,
I stopped looking for you.
Convinced myself I was justified when you wouldn’t cater to me.
I’ve grown tired wrestling with doubt,
So sick of falling short and failing myself.
Who am I to question your love?
Who am I to question all you’ve done?
I forget you have the strength to calm the storm.
Terrified, I find no comfort in solace.
Buried alive, I keep my mask tied to the surface.
Face to face, this is not the real me.
Pants.
Break through and rip off the seams.
Would you crack my ribs and reset my heart,
Open up my skull and pick my brain apart?
Rearrange all the mess in my head,
Breathe life into what once was dead.
Here I go,
Here I go again pleading for the freedom that you freely give.
Shouldn’t once be enough?
Shouldn’t I be free?
Oh God, what the hell is wrong with me?
You never went anywhere.
I turned my back on you.
Despite my pride and my running away.
I hear you calling,
Screaming out my name.