Be More Chill

[THE SQUIP:]
Take your hands out of your pockets
Arch your back, puff out your chest
Add some swagger to your gate or
You'll look like a mas-tur-ba-tor
Fix your posture, then the rest
[JEREMY:]
But I AM a masturbator..
[THE SQUIP:]
We'll fix that
All your nerdiness is ugly
[JEREMY:]
Nerd? I thought I was more of a geek, but..
[THE SQUIP:]
All your stammering's a chore
[JEREMY:]
Wh-wh-what?
[THE SQUIP:]
Your tics and fidgets are persistent
And your charm is non-existent
Fix your vibe, then fix some more
Buh
[JEREMY:]
Wha?
[THE SQUIP:]
Buh
[JEREMY:]
Wha?
[THE SQUIP:]
No
[JEREMY:]
Aah!
[THE SQUIP:]
Stop
Oh, everything about you is so terrible
Whoa, everything about you makes me wanna die
[JEREMY:]
Jesus Christ...
[THE SQUIP:]
So don't freak out
And don't resist
And have no doubt
If I assist
You will
Be more chill
First thing's first, go buy a new shirt
[JEREMY:]
What?! What's wrong with my shirt..
[THE SQUIP:]
It's better if you just comply
My job's to color your aesthetic
And make you seem much less pathetic
Just step and fetch, don't ask me why
[JEREMY:]
How are you with math homework?
[THE SQUIP:]
I'm a super-computer, Jeremy. I'm made of math
Oh, everything about you is so terrible
[PEOPLE IN THE MALL:]
Everything about you sucks!
Everything about you sucks!
[THE SQUIP:]
Whoa, everything about you makes me wanna die
[PEOPLE IN THE MALL:]
Everything about you sucks!
Everything about you sucks!
[THE SQUIP & PEOPLE IN THE MALL:]
All the people in the mall
Think you're such a slob
[PEOPLE IN THE MALL:]
You're a slob!
Terrible!
Such a slob!
[THE SQUIP:]
And boy, can I see why!
Now you try picking a shirt
That's a girl's shirt
[JEREMY:]
Sorry...
[CHLOE:]
...Jerry?
[JEREMY:]
Jeremy
[CHLOE:]
You shop here?
[JEREMY:]
Oh, yeah all the time..
[THE SQUIP:]
Never
[JEREMY:]
Never. Is what I meant to...
[THE SQUIP:]
Greet the beta
[JEREMY:]
Oh. Hey, Brooke
[THE SQUIP:]
"You look sexy"
[JEREMY:]
I can't say that to a hot girl!
[THE SQUIP:]
Don't smile. Stare intensely. Speak like you don't care about your own death
[JEREMY:]
Lookin' pretty sexy, Brooke
[BROOKE:]
Thanks
[CHLOE:]
Is that a girl's shirt?
[JEREMY:]
No
[THE SQUIP:]
"Yes"
[JEREMY:]
Yes
[THE SQUIP:]
Repeat after me..
I saw it in the window
And I couldn't dismiss
[JEREMY:]
I saw it in the window
And I couldn't dismiss
[THE SQUIP:]
I was dating a girl and
She had a shirt just like this
[JEREMY:]
I was dating a girl and
She had a shirt just like this
[THE SQUIP:]
It's still painful
[JEREMY:]
It's still painful
[CHLOE:]
So, who was this mystery girl?
[JEREMY:]
Oh, you've probably never heard of her, so..
[THE SQUIP:]
Madeline
[JEREMY:]
Madeline
[CHLOE:]
What?
[JEREMY:]
She's French
[CHLOE:]
Ugh! She is NOT French! She just pretends to be for attention!
[BROOKE:]
Madeline broke up with you?
[JEREMY:]
Yeah...
[THE SQUIP:]
No
[JEREMY:]
I mean..
[THE SQUIP:]
I broke up with her
[JEREMY:]
I broke up with her
[THE SQUIP:]
'Cause she was
Cheating on me
[JEREMY:]
'Cause she was
Cheating on me
[THE SQUIP:]
Hey, Hamlet. Be more chill