Constancy

Fate decides this time I spend alone
And I know it’s not forever
So I keep to myself—my own little imperfection
Would I try to write my own way
Or trace the lines between the dots?
O' I wish I could forget everything!
To dig up all the seeds I had sown
All the dreams I had chased…
How I wanted to make this right!
But their buzzing dampened the way
The swarm was too loud
And was drowning the sound of my soul’s shrieks
How I just want to go back
And remove myself from others' lives!
Blow up the bridge—a bomb between you and me
Another could take my place
I want to be a nobody
I want to disappear
Your word’s only good when it’s not make-believe
It’s harder to reclaim a trust once it leaves
And harder to do so from behind the walls of a prison cell
But your arrow met its mark down the center
Splintered-fractured!
And dust was all that matched what you shot
From the quiver of your scorn
-Such bolts don’t belong here
How I just want to go back
And remove myself from others' lives!
Blow up the bridge—a bomb between you and me
Another could take my place
I want to be a nobody
I want to disappear
O' they took my lamb away!
And the wolf I was, how I howled resurgence!
And this chastened snare of pride and steel was a part of me
How I’d bite my own head off!
I was burning
I was weakened
What I felt’s below dismay
To inherit such stigma and peel back that shell
I don’t belong here
No one cried, «timber» when I fell
My roots were worn and dried
So I just fell…
I just fell apart
Were you ever even with me?
Did you ever even care?
-Another victim for the coward’s rage
If I went to the beginning
And I traced it back to here
Would I understand my flaws?
And what am I to do with this limiting, fail-safe rationale?
And who was I to prove?
Being the conqueror
I had vanquished all the petty, little thorns on the sidewalk
-Kept the concrete clear
And so time increased its pacing
Now too fast—I've grown afraid!
And what am I to do with my fear?
And how do I prevent these burning tears from falling out?
If I run from the truth, I’m only hiding from myself
But that reflection in the mirror?
That’s not the person I should see