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Waste

Waste

Stephen Sondheim

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Has been for years
God, what a waste
Genius, they said
Opened frontiers
Really, such a waste
All of that style-
All that flair-
All that guile-
Now, let’s be fair
He had a real spark
Made a mark
Instantly erased
Could have been rich
Could have lost weight
God, what a waist
Excuse me…
Son of a bitch
Could have been great
Now he’s just disgraced
Excuse me?-
Such an ascent-
Such a fall-
Such a nice gent-
He had it all
How could he miss
Finish like this?
Waste
Remember me?
I’m the one that you bought the plantation from
Boy, what a waste
That was a waste…
(overlapping)
Remember me?
I’m the one with the house you design-
What a waste, what a terrible waste
What a waste…
Remember me?
I’m the one that you baited the suckers with
Waste
Waste of your money and waste of my time
Remember that? Remember that?
What a waste, what an asinine waste…
Remember me?
I’m the one that you used in the ads
Honey, that was a waste
That was a waste and a half
Remember that? Remember that?
What a waste, what a silly old waste…
Remember me?
I’m the one with the fireworks business-
A waste if I ever saw waste
And, believe me, I recognize waste
When I come across waste…
You come into my office
And buy all these pineapples
Nothing but waste
I mean, talk about waste
That was a waste, no, a waste and a half…
Not to mention
The door you forgot to include
And the stairs that went nowhere
There was a waste
There was a terrible waste…
Remember me?
I’m the one with the Klondike saloon
What a waste, what a god-awful waste
I mean, that was a waste…
Remember me?
I’m the one that you promised a mansion to…
Remember me?
I’m the one that you fucked
(Addison blinks at him, stunned)
Such a good start
Such a bad end-
Leaves a bad taste
I’m the one that you fucked
(Pause.)
Squandered his art
Cheated his friend-
All of it a waste
You’re the one that I loved
Destined to fail
Poor old guy
Losing the trail-
And you know why
Everybody shoo!
I said shoo!
I mean you… shoo!
(Opening his arms.)
(spoken)
Hug for your old brother?
(sung)
Wasting your time
Listening to them
That was the waste
Hello, Willie
What was your crime?
You were a gem
They were strictly paste
Willie, listen to me-
So it got rough
Why the guilt?
Look at the stuff
That you built
So you got burned
Look what you’ve learned!
You know what I learned, Willie? I learned that the only thing wrong with my
life was you. You conniving son of a bitch!
(Addison swats Wilson.)
(Swatting him back.)
Hey, cut it out!
(Another swat)
You ruined me!
(Another swat)
You ruined yourself!
(Another swat)
Say it! You ruined me!
Did not!
Did so!
Did not!
Did so!
Did not!
Did so!
Did not!
Did so!
(They fight on the bed, the tussle becoming more and more childlike.)
Mama… Mama… Mama!
(Mama Mizner appears.)
Addison! Wilson!
(Addison and Wilson stop fighting.)
This is no time for squabbling! Your papa’s been asking for you
(The bed is now occupied by Papa Mizner.)
Sorry, Mama. How is he?
The doctor says it’s time now
Addie? Willie? Is that you, boys?
We’re here, Papa
Good, good
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