A Little Priest

Mrs. Lovett:
Seems a downright shame…
Sweeney Todd: Shame?
Mrs. Lovett:
Seems an awful waste…
Such a nice, plump frame
Wot’s 'is name has…
Had…
Has!
Nor it can’t be traced…
Bus’ness needs a lift,
Debts to be erased…
Think of it as thrift,
As a gift,
If you get my drift!
Seems an awful waste…
I mean, with the price of meat
What it is,
When you get it,
If you get it…
Sweeney Todd: Ah!
Mrs. Lovett:
Good, you got it!
Take, for instance, Mrs. Mooney and her pie shop!
Bus’ness never better using only pussycats and toast!
And a pussy’s good for maybe six or seven at the most!
And I’m sure they can’t compare as far as taste!
Sweeney Todd:
Mrs. Lovett, what a charming notion
Mrs. Lovett:
Well, it does seem a waste…
Sweeney Todd:
Eminently practical
And yet appropriate as always!
Mrs. Lovett:
It’s an idea…
Sweeney Todd:
Mrs. Lovett, how I’ve lived
Without you all these years, I’ll never know!
How delectable!
Also undetectable!
Mrs. Lovett:
Think about it!
Lots of other gentlemen’ll
Soon be comin’for a shave,
Won’t they?
Think of All them
Pies!
Sweeney Todd:
How choice!
How rare!
For what’s the sound of the world out there?
Mrs. Lovett:
What, Mr. Todd?
What, Mr. Todd?
What is that sound?
Sweeney Todd:
Those crunching noises pervading the air!
Mrs. Lovett:
Yes, Mr. Todd!
Yes, Mr. Todd!
Yes, all around!
Sweeney Todd:
It’s man devouring man, my dear!
BOTH:
And who are we to deny it in here?
Sweeney Todd: What is that?
Mrs. Lovett:
It’s priest. Have a little priest.
Sweeney Todd:
Is it really good?
Mrs. Lovett:
Sir, it’s too good, at least!
Then again, they don’t commit sins of the flesh,
So it’s pretty fresh.
Sweeney Todd:
Awful lot of fat.
Mrs. Lovett:
Only where it sat.
Sweeney Todd:
Haven’t you got poet, or something like that?
Mrs. Lovett:
No, y’see, the trouble with poet is
'Ow do you know it’s deceased?
Try the priest!
Mrs. Lovett:
Lawyer’s rather nice.
Sweeney Todd:
If it’s for a price.
Mrs. Lovett:
Order something else, though, to follow,
Since no one should swallow it twice!
Sweeney Todd:
Anything that’s lean.
Mrs. Lovett:
Well, then, if you’re British and loyal,
You might enjoy Royal Marine!
Anyway, it’s clean.
Though of course, it tastes of wherever it’s been!
Sweeney Todd:
Is that squire,
On the fire?
Mrs. Lovett:
Mercy no, sir, look closer,
You’ll notice it’s grocer!
Sweeney Todd:
Looks thicker,
More like vicar!
Mrs. Lovett:
No, it has to be grocer --
It’s green!
Sweeney Todd:
The history of the world, my love --
Mrs. Lovett:
Save a lot of graves,
Do a lot of relatives favors!
Sweeney Todd:
Is those below serving those up above!
Mrs. Lovett:
Ev’rybody shaves,
So there should be plenty of flavors!
Sweeney Todd:
How gratifying for once to know
BOTH:
That those above will serve those down below!
Sweeney Todd: What is that?
Mrs. Lovett:
It’s fop.
Finest in the shop.
And we have some shepherd’s pie peppered
With actual shepherd on top!
And I’ve just begun --
Here’s the politician, so oily
It’s served with a doily,
Sweeney Todd:
Put it on a bun.
Well, you never know if it’s going to run!
Mrs. Lovett:
Try the friar,
Fried, it’s drier!
Sweeney Todd:
No, the clergy is really
Too coarse and too mealy!
Mrs. Lovett:
Then actor,
That’s compacter!
Sweeney Todd:
Ah, but always arrives overdone!
I’ll come again when you have JUDGE on the menu!
Have charity towards the world, my pet!
Mrs. Lovett:
Yes, yes, I know, my love!
Sweeney Todd:
We’ll take the customers that we can get!
Mrs. Lovett:
High-born and low, my love!
Sweeney Todd:
We’ll not discriminate great from small!
No, we’ll serve anyone,
Meaning anyone,
BOTH:
And to anyone
At all!