Ajax Liquor Store

L: Ajax Liquor Store
D: Aja… Ajax Liquor Store?
L: That’s right, pal
D: Do you guys deliver?
L: We deliver
D: You got any tequila?
L: We have tequila
D: Tequila
D: You got quarts?
L: Yes, we have quarts
D: I don’t want… I don’t want any quarts
L: Alright, how much do you want?
D: I want fifths.
L: You want fifths.
D: Four-fifths
L: Four-fifths tequila
D: Four-fifths tequila
L: Ya
D: Whadda we got so far?
L: We got four-fifths tequila
D: Make that… better make that five
L: Five-fifths tequila
D: Five-fifths tequila
L: Got that
D: You have scotch?
L: We have scotch
D: (mumbles)
L: I beg your pardon?
D: Four
L: Four?
D: Four-fifths of scotch
L: Hello?
D: So is this the Ajax Liquor Store?
L: That’s right pal
D: You listed in the yellow pages?
L: Yes, we are listed in the yellow pages
D: How come you’re not listed under «taxidermy»?
L: That’s impossible
D: Ahh. What? I’m sorry. What? It was what?
L: It’s impossible
D: Oh well I must have a couple of pages missing
In my phone book. What have we got so far?
L: Five-fifths tequila… five-fifths of scotch
D: You got any beer?
L: We have beer.
D: Alright. Okay.
L: We have 16-oz cans and 12-cans.
D: Okay.
L: Well how much do you want?
D: Dis… uhh… two cases.
L: Alright, I’ve got that down. Alright.
D: Don’t send any vermouth.
L: Alright, I won’t send any vermouth.
D: That makes my wife sick. She’s outta town but
I do it just in her memory.
L: Alright. Okay.
L: We have… we have five-fifths tequila, five-fifths
Of scotch, two cases of beer; one case of 16-oz cans…
D: You just bring that right on, right on up then, uhh?
L: Alright, where do you want me to deliver it?
D: Up at my house
L: Where do you live?
D: Up on the north side
L: On the north side
D: Ya
L: Whereabouts on the north side?
D: Up there by the Japanese amusement park
L: The Japanese amusement park
D: Bambi the deer plays there
L: Is that right?
D: Where Bambi, goes nothin' grows
D: You still there?
L: I’m here. Alright. Don’t you have any address,
Any numbers, or anything like that?
D: Ahhh… oh yes, I’m sorry, I’ll see… Five
L: Five
D: Five
L: Five
D: Two
L: Two
D: Oh that’s not my address, that’s my order.
L: That’s the order… that’s what I thought.
D: You can fi… I’ll turn the big red light on.
You can’t miss it.
L: Red light on. Okay.
D: There’s a big statue of a brindle great dane dog out front.
L: He’s not gonna bite, is he?
D: No, he’s just a statue.
L: Just a statue. Okay. We got five-fifths tequila,
Five-fifths of scotch, two cases of beer, one case
Of 16-oz cans…
D: No vermouth
L: No vermouth. I wouldn’t send vermouth and one case
Of… that’s quite an order, are you having a party?
D: Uhh?
L: Are you having a party?
D: No, I’m just trying to work up the nerve to go to
Confession
(Laughter and fade)…