I Lost

Another day with my obscure reflection I’ll survive
An image so grotesque, from dreaming myself I deprive…
Spreading the disease
Through my lungs I blow to please
The necessity to state
That I won’t let you down!
Tendencies concealed
Got no armour nor a shield
Still on crutches try to stand
I can’t afford to frown!
Glasses on the wall
Scattered splinters on my floor
Like a custom made machine
That will inflict the pain
Weather is my foe
And my cloud is hanging low
Broken shelter over me
I can’t escape the rain
I scream but you don’t hear
I’m far but always near
Excuses I had none
In denial I ran
Elusive to your ear
Confusing words now clear
The justice isn’t done
My evil side has won!
A burden of my own, my dreadful past I can’t defy!
A nail in my flesh for every time I made you cry!
Spreading the disease
Through my lungs I blow to please
The necessity to state
That I won’t let you down!
Tendencies concealed
Got no armour nor a shield
Still on crutches try to stand
I can’t afford to frown!
You thought it’ll disappear
But clearly so severe
The stain was never gone
It just can’t be undone!
I whisper in your ear
The tragedy of fear
The justice of the gun
Carved this scar of the sun…
A nail in my flesh for every time I made you cry!
…And that may sound strange to you
But that’s exactly what I see…
…And what I see is what I feel!
…And what I feel is what counts!
…And it’s far beyond you can conceive!
…It's far beyond you want to believe!
Behind every window of my memory!
Over the every day survival!
In every corner that the eye can catch!
Above everybody else!
Above everybody else…
I lost!