I Put My Hand In

I have always been a woman who arranges things
For the pleasure and the profit it derives
I have always been a woman who arranges things
Like furniture and daffodils and lives
When a man with a timid tongue
Meets a girl with a diffident air
Why should the tortured creatures beat around the bush
When heaven knows mother nature always needs a little push
So I put my hand in here
I put my hand in there
And a girl over 6 foot 3
Loves a man who comes up to her ear
Surely it’s obvious she’ll never be seduced
'Til some kind soul condescends
To give her beau a little boost
So I put my hand in there
I put my hand in here
I have always been a woman who arranges things
It’s my duty to assist the Lord above
I have always been a woman who arranges things
Like luncheon parties, poker games, and love
My aplomb at cosmetic art
Turned a frump to a trump lady fair
She had a countenance a little bit like scrooge
But oh today you would swear the Lord himself applied the rouge
When I put my hand in here
I put my hand in there!
I put my hand in here
I twist a little, stir a little
Him a little, her a little
Shape a little, mold a little
Some poor chap gets sold a little
When I use my fist a little
Some young bride gets kissed a little
Pressure with the thumbs
Matrimony comes
When, I put my hand in there…
For when my little pink wiggles
Some young maiden gets the giggles
Then I make my knuckles active
«My» he says «She's so attractive.»
Then I move my index digit
And they both begin to fidget
Then I clench my palm
The preacher reads a psalm
When I put my hand in there!