Disaster

Set up the mics, turn up the volume
Everybody present, say «here» when I call you:
Schaffer?
Yep
Beef?
Hello
Bought three movie tickets, got the front row
Act I
Our plucky hero’s home town:
Middle Americana, not a problem to be found
A single dad of one son with a dog just trying his
Best to make ends meet as a disaster scientist
One day he stumbles upon some horrifying evidence
Our hero decides, «I must inform the president.»
«Even though you seem to know exactly what you talk about
I don’t think at this point in the plot I am going to hear you out.»
But Washington’s in fallout, can’t return to my home
There’s flash floods, earthquakes. I pick up the red phone
«You get this ragtag team made of washed out marines
And Dr. Jennie Marie, she studies weather extremes.»
It’s a disaster, it’s a disaster
Whenever you’ve got three nerd rappers
It’s a disaster, it’s a disaster
Whenever you’ve got three nerd rappers
It’s a disaster, it’s a disaster
Whenever you’ve got three nerd rappers
It’s a disaster
Act II. Molten lava is chasing them around
Big blue bolts of lightning spring up from underground
But our hero and his team have some hope for a cure:
«If we can just get this crew into the center of the earth
We can install a nuclear device then detonate it
My findings indicate that this will stave off devastation.»
«I might have given in to my pride (that is my sin)
But take this check and shake my hand, 'cause you always trust a Whitesican.»
«Sir, you won’t regret it. Launch your finest satellite
Arm it with a laser canon aimed upon the blast site
To activate the nuke. But the clock is counting down
We need to act fast as our time is running out.»
Meanwhile: hurricanes, tidal waves, floods
Sun flares cause it to seem to rain blood
The President just got crushed by an asteroid
And the plucky hero’s son?
«Run faster, boy!»
It’s a disaster, it’s a disaster
Whenever you’ve got three nerd rappers
It’s a disaster, it’s a disaster
Whenever you’ve got three nerd rappers
It’s a disaster, it’s a disaster
Whenever you’ve got three nerd rappers
It’s a disaster
Last Act. Son makes it, dog doesn’t
Odds may be stacked against the team. They discuss it
A last ditch effort hangs heavy on our hero’s mind:
«Blowing up the planet is the only hope for humankind.»
And to his leading lady, «There is something I must say…»
«Hey, you and me can wait, I want to have another yesterday
Sources say the Kremlin can take us into orbit
Go to space, fix the lasers. And the earth: we can restore it.»
«That's it! A crazy plan, but we have to try
The time is nigh, gather up supplies, we must survive!»
They head out for Russia in a little rowboat
Get menaced by glaciers, almost bite it but don’t
At the last moment a decision to be made:
There’s the love or the boy, only one can get saved
If he thinks too long
Whole globe is in peril
If you don’t shed a tear at the end
Your heart’s sterile
It’s a disaster, it’s a disaster
Whenever you’ve got three nerd rappers
It’s a disaster, it’s a disaster
Whenever you’ve got three nerd rappers
It’s a disaster, it’s a disaster
Whenever you’ve got three nerd rappers
It’s a disaster
It’s a disaster, it’s a disaster
Whenever you’ve got three nerd rappers
It’s a disaster, it’s a disaster
Whenever you’ve got three nerd rappers
It’s a disaster, it’s a disaster
It’s a disaster
It’s a disaster
Oh no