Squirrel Rights

I’m Doug
And I’m Darrell
And we are squirrels
We live in your backyard in a big oak tree
That’s our world
We saw you and your family
Filming us with your flip cam
Shaking our little tails
Eating crackers from your hand
We know we’re irresistible
Seemingly even kissable
Extremely home video-able
And effortlessly uploadable
But what makes you think that gives you the right
To make us internet memes overnight?
We didn’t sign a release
You didn’t get our consent
To put our private lives on the public internet
We didn’t sign a release
You seem surprised to find we’re upset
You wonder how in the world can squirrels talk
Much less have the internet
Well, you have e-mail
We have tree mail
You have smartphones
We have pine cones
You have social networks
We have elaborate squeaks and chirps
He just said, «You have no right to publish or distribute audio or Video
recordings of us including, but not limited to our names Recorded mating calls,
photographs or likenesses, nest location
Tail length or any material based upon it or derived therefrom»
Oh yes, «In any forest»
«In perpetuity»
If you don’t cease and desist
A suit will be filed
Especially if we end up in the next
Squirrels Gone Wild
We didn’t sign a release
You didn’t get our consent
To put our private lives on the public internet
We didn’t sign a release
You violated our trust
We don’t want the world to see the secret place
Where we hide our nuts
We didn’t sign a release