The Gnu Song

A year ago last Thursday
I was strolling in the zoo
When I met a man
Who thought he knew the lot
He was laying down the law
About the habits of baboons
And the number of quills a porcupine has got
So I asked him what’s that creature there
He answered, «I-It's a helk»
I might have gone on thinking that was true
If the animal in question hadn’t
Put that cap to shame
and remarked «I h-ain't a Helk»
I’m a Gnu
I’m a Gnu
I’m a Gnu
The G-nicest work of G-nature in the zoo
I’m a Gnu
How do you do?
You really ought to know
who’s who
I’m a Gnu
Spelled G-N-U
I’m g-not a camel or a kangaroo
So let me introduce
I’m g-neither man or moose
Oh G-no, G-no, G-no — I’m a Gnu
I had taken furnished lodgings down on Rustington-on-Sea
Whence I traveled on to Ashton-under-Lyme
And the second night I stayed there
I was wakened from a dream
Which I’ll tell you all about some other time
Among the hunting trophies on the wall above my head
Stuffed and mounted was a face I thought I knew
A bison, no it’s not a bison
An okapi, I don’t think it’s an okapi
Could it be a hartebeest?
When I seemed to hear a voice
I’m a Gnu
I’m a Gnu
a g-nother Gnu
I wish I could g-nash my teeth at you
I’m a Gnu
How do you do?
You really ought to k-now
a who’s who
I’m a Gnu
Spelled G-N-U
Call me bison or okapi and I’ll sue
G-nor am I in the least like that dreadful heartebeest
I’m a Gnu
I’m a Gnu
I’m a Gnu