Eulogy

Hello, ladies and gentlemen
The world-famous Latin Casino proudly presents the star of our show, Mr.
Richard Pryor!
(crowd cheers)
We are… gathered here today on this soft occasion, to say goodbye to the
dearly departed; he was dearly, and he has departed. Thus, that’s why we call
him the dearly departed. In other word, the nigga dead
As you can see him laying here, I’ve been here three days, the boy ain’t moved
a muscle. So, I know the nigga dead. And, it seemed the death was quite a
surprise to his ass
(Turns to body) Didn’t think you was ever gon' die, did you nigga?
I told you 'bout fuckin' around, what was gonna happen
However, he faced the ultimated test, as each main and wo-main must eventually
face the ultimate test. And the ultimate test is… Let me repeat that…
the ultimate test is… whether or not you can survive death. That’s the
ultimate test for yo ass, ain’t it?
So far, don’t nobody we know have passed the ultimate test. Least of all,
this nigga layin' here. 'Cause this boy wasn’t shit, I’m’on' tell you that
right on. I saw him kickin' his momma’s ass over there on 47th street
(Turns to body) And if you think we gon' bury you with them diamonds and shit
on, you got another thing comin'
I’d like to introduce the boy’s woman… ho, bitch, I don’t know what she was.
She’s layin' over there in the booth… Wha-
(To woman) Say, girl! Whatchoo doin'? Well, don’t sell no pussy in here!
If you do, I want a cut!
Shit. It’s yo fault the nigga dead!
If you’da been home when you was supposed to be, he wouldn’t have been in the
hotel fuckin' that faggot. Boy’s husband came home, caught him fuckin' - shot
the nigga in the ass on the downstroke
And if there is a God, or a heaven, we don’t want this nigga up there with us.
Can I get a amen?
Amen! (Cheers)