The Most Personal Song Ever Written By Me

I didn’t want to be a boy when I was five years old
There weren’t enough naps to fix the exhaustion of being told
That the colors I preferred and the stuffies I loved to hold
Weren’t made for me
I didn’t wanna be a girl, and I was scared to die
But there were definitely times I couldn’t stand being alive
And that’s kind of an awful place to be when you were five
Wouldn’t you agree?
I spent my pre-school years
Standing in swings alone
Screaming at passing planes
To come and take me home
Because I’d been disowned
By gender that condones
Nothing but its own ritual
And soon I couldn’t feel a thing except that wet pants kind of shame
And I always had it on me like my stufy’s in my name
And so uncomfortable I wish I remembered to pack a change of everything
But some things can’t be remedied by medicine or time
And I couldn’t change the world so I just had to change my mind
And the nurse’s office was the only place that I could hide
From all my peers
So I gave myself blisters
Always faking sick
So busy making friends
Out of the stones and sticks
That break my bones
And fix my lack of a sidekick
But then I had my stuffies for that
Pitted against the world for only liking pink
And if I take a stab it bleeds the blackest ink
That spatters me «hey faggot»
And gets in my eyes
After a thousand gallons
I can’t help but cry
For all the five year olds who just can’t understand
Why their preferences make them not a man
As if their enduring, it isn’t enough
They take a thousand punches a day
How dare you tell them they’re not tough?
I didn’t want to be a boy when I was five years old
There weren’t enough naps to fix the exhaustion of being told
That the colors I preferred and the stuffies I loved to hold
Weren’t made for me