In An Hour Darkly

In einer dunklen Stunde, ach,
Alle Stunden sind dunkel hier.
Aus einem Becher von zartestem Flieder
Trinken wir Tee — allein mit mir.
«My name is BROKEN CHALICE and leaden
I am filled all the way up to the brim;
Filled with sadness, and with misery,
And the most terrible of things.
Very soon I might overflow I fear,
As I am filled with so much anger…
And far too many tears».
These words come from the depth of my discontent,
To testify to you of the displeasure
That I harbour against the world — and therefore myself.
Hush, here lies truth, sweet child, in all its obvious simplicity.
A long time ago it seems
The boy has come to an agreement with himself,
To remain in this wretched life for as long as It hasn’t reached the point of becoming totally… unbearable.
Yes, he was prepared to tolerate
The bleakness of all things, of darkness,
Even nothingness itself,
All of this perhaps only to prove
That life really isn’t worth an effort,
That an early VOLUNTARY DEATH is absolutely ALWAYS justified.
Yes, I DO confess.
I have a secret wish:
I often dream of dying,
To dissolve completely,
To simply vanish, so that nothing,
Not a single grain, would ever remain of me.
No spark, no energy, no further existence for me,
But most of all: NO REBIRTH!!!
Alas, if I had this chance, this possibility,
How free from worries could I be,
If I only had this ONE guarantee…
That there would be NO MORE tomorrows lying in wait for me…