Mr. Stumps

Well, maybe it’s been just a couple of hours
It could be a week, I lost track
I’ve been callin' all over to say I’m sorry 'n I’m sober
Woman, when are you comin' back?
Well, the voice in my head said you’d found a new man
It told me the pain wouldn’t end
Well, that voice drove me nuts as the pain in my guts
That forced me off liquor again
I’ll cut off my legs if you don’t come back home
And you’ll have that resting on you
And I’ll still get real drunk and I’ll swear by me stumps
For lack of a better thing to do
We’ll I’ll cut off my arms if you don’t come back home
And together you and I will grow old
And you’ll come back solely to feed me and roll me
Wherever I wish to be rolled
Well, he managed to get through a leg and a half
He bled to death as far as we could tell
It was almost a month before police found what stunk
And the neighbors complained of the smell