The Ballad of William Stout

Come hither all ye brave and we’ll tell you a tale
Of a fat pommy boy called William
Dreamt one night of a far-away place
A wise man with a sun-dried face
A long time ago in Africa
There lived a mystical, magical wilderyak
There was darkness in the land, and we thought it was slain
It’s your destiny to ease our pain
So he sailed his bathtub across the sea
To the land of the lion and zucchini
Shipwrecked off the coast of Tunisia
He had to trade his pants for food (how rude!)
Naked he trekked through the deep dark bush
Pursued by the jackal, hyena and such
Morale was down, tears on his chest
For he feared he had failed his quest
Searching and searching, I hope I will find
This yak is the beast of my dreams
Visions oh visions these stories in mind
I hope I will find it this year
(This year I will find him)
Backwards he went down the road that he’d travelled
Over deserts and valleys, mountains and seas
Threw in the towel, turning back home
But a rustle in the bushes so he froze!
Could it be the yak he sought?
For bounding through the bushes a beast came forth
A wondrous sight, a splendour to behold
The trees parted and a cow approached!
Searching and searching I think I have found
The beast of my dreams is a cow
Weary so weary, it all seems futile
Perhaps the old man was senile!
As he entered the village, he knew the time was near
Sweat poured down as he cowered with fear
He led the beast forth, thinking that he’d failed
For surely they weren’t fools and the truth would prevail
Descended on the village, the crickets chirped
Shocked looks as they beheld his lowly offering
The tribesman smiled, «my son, you’ve done us proud»
And this is where our story ends!