Waking Up Jedi

When I woke up this morning, I was a Jedi knight.
I had those cool khaki robes and a saber made of light,
I had those Jedi Mind Tricks, which were quite the little perq,
My girlfriend is weak-minded, I was almost late for work.
I had three meetings but they were the best times of the day,
I waved my fingers and my boss would just look away.
I raised my hand and Krispy Kremes floated over with style,
My secretary didn’t believe it -- I said, «That is why you file.»
My favorite lunch spot is across a wide and busy street
But I just leapt and Jedi flipped and landed on my feet,
My cell phone calls and wireless connection didn’t drop,
And I didn’t have to pay the bill, thanks to a mind-tricked cop.
Then a child,
A little child,
Looked up at me with angry eyes,
And said «You!
You are not Jedi,
Because Jedi are the good guys!»
You’re right, you little snotnose, I must be of the Sith,
I’m trading khaki in for black like all my evil kith,
My job’s debugging software, so I’ll be Darth Secticide
And I will seek out Jedi, no matter where they hide.
And then I saw my girlfriend, with grim protruding lip,
She wore form-fitting khaki robes, a lightsaber on her hip
She said, «You cannot win, your powers will no longer work,
And the good guys have to win this one, 'cause you were such a jerk.»
I lowered my lightsaber, and said, «When you’re right, you’re right.
I’m sorry that my Dark Side has led us to this fight.
It must be midichlorians made me what I’ve become --»
She said, «It can’t be that, 'cause midichlorians are dumb.»
So now I strive for inner peace and helping those in need,
I’ve cut back on the mind control and acts of guile and greed,
And best of all, my girl and I combine our Jedi powers,
There’s lots of ways to use the Force, and some can last for hours.