Psychopathic Psychiatric Care

Skit:
Hello and welcome to Psychopathic Psychiatric Assistance!
Please listen to the automated menu and choose from the following options that
best fit your mood and/or symptoms
If you suffer from necrophilia press one, but we highly doubt you’re suffering
If you are obsessive compulsive, press two one hundred times
If you have multiple personalities, press three, four, five, and six
If you are delusional, press seven and your call will be transferred to Niberau
If you are co-dependent ask someone to press eight for you
If you are paranoid we know who you are, what you want, and we’re going to kill
you
Press nine and stay on line long enough so that we may trace your call
If you are depressive it really doesn’t matter which number you press because
no one cares about you and we don’t either
71 717 171 press dyslexic are you if
If you have low self-esteem you should probly hang up as your call isn’t worth
our time
If you’re schizophrenic we’re confident the voices in your head will tell you
which secret number to press
If you have short-term memory loss do you seriously remember what you’re
calling about?
If you have a nervous disorder place your shaken hands on the phone and press
whatever numbers you can until you hear a…