Paperboy: The Musical

It’s a lovely Monday morning;
My ex is still asleep…
I’ll take off all her tires
And roll them down the street.
It sounds a bit vindictive,
But I swear it’s nothing new;
I’ve been doing it for weeks now!
Rolling wheels is what I do!
Hey Mr. Johnson! Stealing your girlfriend’s wheels again?
You betcha!
Well, watch out! She looks pretty mad!
Huh?
I’m on a walk with Junior,
Like any other day.
I’m not sure how it happened,
But the baby’s rolled away!
I’d positively panic,
But it happened last week, too.
Plus I’m just the babysitter!
Losing children’s what I do.
Baby’s rolling down Easy Street-
Oh, that baby!
I’m tryin’a get my pants on,
But they’re really freaking tight-
Why I’m in the street,
I haven’t got a clue…
At precisely 9:08,
I come out my door and wait
And leave out alluring bait
For the Paperboy I hate!
Laying beneath cars is what I do!
Give me all your money!
And put it in this bag!
I need it for my wife cause she’s a
Shopaholic hag!
Hey, come on! Make it snappy!
This ain’t no deja vu!
I rob you almost daily,
Because robbing’s what I do-
I don’t get all this fuss-
I’m just a normal guy,
Who takes his normal walks,
And collects souls when people die.
I’d love to read the funnies,
Or the entertainment news-
I’m not that weird;
It’s just a thing I do!