If That Isn't Love

I’m your shelter from the storm
You know I’ll always have your back
I’ll even let you warm
Your freezing hands inside my butt crack
I never get out
My leaf blower when Oprah is on
When you’re telling me about your feelings
I try not to yawn
And when we’re at parties
I don’t talk about your spastic bladder
When you’re cleaning the gutters on the roof
I’ll hold the ladder
And if that isn’t love
If that isn’t love
If that isn’t love
I don’t know what love is
Oh I guess I don’t know
Ooh… listen now…
There’s a microscopic bit of milk left
In the refrigerator
I could have finished it off but I quit in case you
Wanna tiny little sip later
And if you cut the cheese then maybe
I’ll wink and say, «The dogs to blame!»
And I make sure to call you «Baby»
Every time I forget your name
I’ll even tell you, girl
When you start looking fat
Cause all your so-called friends
Will probably neglect to mention that
And if that isn’t love
If that isn’t love
If that isn’t love
I don’t know what love is
Well then I don’t know
Ohh no…
Even though you make me sit through Mamma Mia!
But I still adore you
I’ll kiss you if you’ve even had omelette for breakfast
And I can’t stand omelettes
And after I take a bath, if it’s still warm
I’ll leave the water in there for you
I give you my word
You’re so beautiful
You make a glorious sunset
Look like a big fat turd, yeah
Every time I see you trying
To lift some really heavy thing
You can always count on me to help
By saying something encouraging
If you get drunk and pass out
I never Sharpie on your face
And I don’t wipe my nose on your couch
Even though that’s a super convenient place
I totally support
Every idiotic thing you do
And I almost never pretend you’re someone else
When I’m making out with you
And if that isn’t love
If that isn’t love
If that isn’t love
I don’t know what love is
No I don’t know what love is
Well I don’t know what love is
I don’t know what love is