Five Friends

Got this chain letter in the mail,
A get-rich scheme that couldn’t fail.
I knew it was legal, you see;
It was signed by an attorney,
And this is what he said to me:
If you can find five friends
Who can find five friends
Who can find five friends
Who can find five friends —
Think of all the money
You’ll be able to spend.
Got myself some preferred seating
At this opportunity meeting.
They said they weren’t selling soap;
They thought of it as selling hope.
I was drowning — they threw me this rope:
If you can find five friends
Who can find five friends
Who can find five friends
Who can find five friends —
Think of all the money
You’ll be able to spend.
Got this Nigerian e-mail,
Another scheme that couldn’t fail.
Didn’t question the legality
Or the man’s nationality.
At least he didn’t say to me:
If you can find five friends
Who can find five friends
Who can find five friends
Who can find five friends —
Think of all the money
You’ll be able to spend.
Now, I’m not the kind of guy
To let my problems multiply,
So …
I joined this folkie twelve-step program
To save me from the next new scam
My new-found hope was fast-fleeting
When at the very first meeting
They all hit me with this greeting:
If you can find five friends
Who can find five friends
Who can find five friends
Who can find five friends —
Think of all the money
You’ll be able to spend.
If something doesn’t work soon,
It looks like I’ll have to.