From Miss Emma Brawley

Dear Mr. Darwin, I read a letter
Says I’m no better than a monkey in a dress
I beg to differ, that’s not how it is, sir
Surely your wife would not agree
Surely your wife knows what is best
Oh, the good book, sir, here on my dresser
In black and white, sir, is there for anyone to see
It took six days and nights to make the world just right
And I can tell you there’s no man
Who’ll make a monkey outta me.
A monkey’s uncle lives in the circus
Swings on a tent pole and works for peanuts
Has never read a book, don’t know an A from B
And sir, there’s not a man who’ll make a monkey outta me —
No monkey outta me.
No, not my brother when I was younger
He tried to tell me there were monsters underneath the bed
Think I’m a fool, son? While you have your fun
I’m gonna sleep just like a baby ‘cause it’s all inside your head
A monkey’s uncle lives in the circus
Swings on a tent pole and works for peanuts
Has never read a book, don’t know an A from B
And, sir, there’s not a man who’ll make a monkey outta me
And not the salesman when he came knockin'
He tried to tell me he could sell me if I’d let him in
Foot in the door, sir, I 'bout broke it good, sir
‘Cause any fool can spot the devil when he’s peddlin’tin
And not my old man -he asked for my hand
Then got him a girlfriend like Mr. Fancy Free
I threw him out, sir -Oh, he could have her
'Cause like I tell you there’s no man
Who’ll make a monkey outta me
So, Mr. Darwin, you might be a smart man
Oh, but the Lord, sir, will set you straight and true
I hate to curse, sir -but what is worse, sir
Is that the road to hell has surely made a monkey outta you.
And I am here today, same as I’ll always be
And sir, there’s not a man who’ll make a monkey outta me
No monkey outta me.