Ever Is a Long Time (Ever Is No Time At All)

what’s the point in trying i just fall behind.
spend minutes just to pay for bleary eyes.
wouldn’t you rather die than be on my mind, it hurts my head to think about you
dead but i do it all the time.
i could be a soul to keep. or i could keep on living soullessly.
drawing all the curtains to hide from ghosts that whisper bout the things we’re
scared of most.
chain link fences make us feel safe from shady parts of everything that i’ve
made real to me.
you screamed holy shit, the wind swept you off your feet, it sure as hell
wasn’t me i swear to god it was just
two nights, a cloud of smoke exhaled from my still choking lungs,
i couldn’t move, i couldn’t see that you’re the breath i shouldn’t breathe.
shallow breathe breathes air so heavy.
i go down to the bottom of the river, and plant myself in a watery grave.
cuz when i’m down i can’t see the surface, just unknowns and answers i can’t
see.
so i let go of your tiny little fingers, just to say that i couldn’t be saved.
cuz when i’m gone i won’t forget a single bit of all those long-gone memories.
but wait, don’t go. i’ll hold you on my own.